Keeping it a secret.

I remember when I left school and got my apprenticeship the guys that I worked with were full of banter, admittedly most was crude innuendos. I never offered much up because one I had no experience to talk about, two I was too shy, and it's just not me to be like that. Besides I learnt quickly anything you said would be picked up on and stretched out for days, so it was best to listen instead of talk.

One little nugget that was said has stayed in my mind, it was said in the style of Forrest Gump  "sex is like a box of chocolates, once you've had one, you want another" it would be totally lost on you if you haven't seen the film, but I laughed like everyone else. Little did I know at the time how true it was. Having spent so much time with Amanda and now a night too I definitely wanted more, it was tricky though because she worked until late, and the kids were never far away. None of that bothered me or dulled the attractiveness that I saw in Amanda, she was amazing to be around.

Drinks time would come and go with just cuddles and kissing when the kids went to bed. It was seriously hard to keep it at just that, but the prospect of the kids waking up and not understanding why I was there at night or in the morning was too much of a risk to take, especially at this stage.

One night a good week later we drank too much and one thing lead to another. The living room sofa and going upstairs were too risky especially with the creaky stairs. We looked at each other just knowing what we were both thinking, there was a room at the back of the house that had a sofabed in it. It was a room seldom used by Amanda and the girls, her plan was to eventually put a conservatory through into the garden from there.

Like two school kids we crept in giggling trying not to make any noise holding our wine glasses. I pushed the sofabed up against the door and...I'll spare you the rest. At any moment I did fully expected the door handle to move though *cringe* ...I remember we used the back room a good few times before I had the novel idea of unscrewing the door handle and removing the spindle for future encounters, it worked a treat, but we joked about the door opening so much I never got that possibility out of my head. Amazingly no one commented why a screwdriver was always by that door.

Inevitably someone was going to second guess what was going on between us, it was awkward when ever we would bump into each other when others were around, it was only a natural feeling to steal a quick kiss and a hug in passing. I certainly wasn't bothered if people knew we were together, I was proud of what we had.

First night on our own.

It was now the beginning of a New Year so potentially this new friendship would blossom, well that was my hope anyway. Snow was on the ground and the kids dad David invited them down to his house in Co Durham. Going there appeared to be loathed by the kids, there was always tears from both of them just before he came only leaving the last moments before they went to wash their faces and dry their tears.

I didn't have any opinion of David as I had never meet him, only listening to the kids and Amanda talk about him. I speak as I find so always give anyone a fair chance. The word arsehole was banded about a lot though. He came regular at 7pm on a Monday evening to take them out for a meal, which again they loathed. It was always the same pub, same drinks and menu to choose from. There was regularly tears when they got back because he seemed to show little compassion towards them, always talking big of what he was doing with his new family.

The Saturday afternoon came around but not soon enough somehow, I got a text to say they had just left and to come around. We put Rosey and Pepsi in the car and drove 20 minutes up the road to walk around some Forrest tracks. We didn't say much or walk that far as it was hard going and freezing just walking with our arm wrapped around each other, we threw a few snow balls for the dogs to jump and catch on the way back to the car.

When we got back to her house I put the stove on and Amanda phoned through the order for the Indian takeaway, which I drove through to collect along with the wine. The evening was lovely just us cuddled up on the sofa kissing, and the dogs flopped out on the floor in front of the stove. Amanda asked if I would like to stay the night, well that was an understatement, of course I did. An hour or so later we went up to bed.

It was strange waking up in someone else's house, someone else's bed to be more precise. It was lovely though. Amanda had to get up and tend to the horses, so as she did that I made our breakfast.

Honestly no sooner had we started eating, there was a knock on the door. Like rabbits frozen in headlights we looked at each other, yep it was David dropping off the kids. It was little after 9am and he had driven 50mins with them in the car so god knows what time he had them up?! I was beginning to see he thought time with the kids was toxic.
I said I'd get the door, don't know why I said that I must have been feeling brave. I opened the door with all three of them looking at me, with a look of  'what are you doing, wheres Amanda?' I confidently said "Hi, that's good timing have you had your breakfast?" The look on Davids face was a picture, the kids stepped in and I briskly walked back to my breakfast, sharing a reassuring kiss and snigger with Amanda.

Horses

The next day I was buzzing form the night before. I texted Amanda wishing her a good day. As I drove to work I passed her dropping of her eldest at the bus stop. We stole a moment, enough to say the smile said more than words ever would. I can't describe the feeling that I felt but it, warmed me in a way I never felt before. The amount of mistakes I made at work that day was unreal I felt like an apprentice all over again, I couldn't keep up with the rest of the lads I was working with. It's fair to say that drinks time couldn't come soon enough.

As I knocked on the door, I remember hoping things were going to be ok when she opened it. It was different now as I was stone cold sober, as all the dutch courage was gone. She came to the door dressed in her work wears, I went instantly scarlet. A grin appeared on both our faces, evidently things couldn't have been better.

She still had her horses to tend too so I went and gave her a hand mucking out, umm the sweet smell of ammonia. She had three horses, Prince an Arab, Charlie and Buttons both welsh pony's. Prince and Buttons both had a stable each and Charlie would just wonder around pleasing herself. Horses were a new concept to me and I was a bit standoffish unsure of how best to handle them without having my foot trod on. I did admire how she handled them, it was a true skill which was impressive to watch. The horses all had their quirks. Prince liked his creature comforts and would give anything not to be put outside if it was raining or cold, Charlie was quite a self important mare who liked to be left alone if she could, and Buttons was the entertainer of the group and had an uncanny knack of standing on the kid's feet to make them cry.

Drinks time was split between sipping Wine and kissing on the sofa. The chocs, cheese and biscuits were just not interesting enough anymore.

First Kiss.

I suppose after the nights of working, and nights drinking copious amounts of wine together something was going to happen. I hadn't then to date, ever been in a relationship of any kind so didn't really know what it was like to be in one. Looking back I'm not sure if it was because I live in a rural location, or if I'm just odd and butt ugly? ...but at 23 you'd expect something right? I suppose when I left school, all my school friends were then 8 miles away from where I lived, so the social aspect having no transport on the door step was none existent, then straight after the school holidays I started an apprenticeship at Northumberland Estates so I was thrust into working alongside men, that maybe molding my attitude and outlook somehow? I'm not sure.

It was drinks time and I was sat at the other end of the three piece to Amanda. I was always warmed how focused and interested in me she was, she had no chips on her shoulders or gripes that were unusual. She was 5'2" slim, size 5 feet and big brown eyes, brunette hair tinted with like a honey blonde colour washed in, enough to say she was stunning. On top of all this she was an Accountant, this woman was a high flyer and making time for me?!

Earlier when I was at work we were exchanging a few texts, it always made me smile when I got a message off her, bit cheesy I know. Somehow things felt slightly different, the tone of the texts were the same but something was definitely different. After work I bought the Wine, cheese & biscuits, chocs and a bribe bag for the kids.

As usual we chatted none stop, demolishing the nibbles and wine in the process. As the evening went on Amanda edged slowly nearer to me. The room was lit by the table lamp, with the stove giving off an orange tinge to the room, I'm fairly sure we were now half way through the third bottle of wine, chatting incessantly. I asked her about her jewelry, she always had it on, always looking superb. She told me about each piece she had, the whole time being totally focused on me.

I poured another glass of wine, and she shuffled closer still. Now at this point I'll hold my hands up and say, I was comfortable in her company, but was a little confused why she was sat so close? Oh how naive I was then.

I just sipped some more wine, when she kissed me, honestly blink and you would have missed it. I wasn't sure at first if she forgot herself and meant to, stupid to say I know. I went to the loo and then resumed drinking, she did it again, I thought if she does it a third time I'll kiss here back. She did a third time, I couldn't believe the way the evening had taken a twist, the next half an hour was spent kissing on the sofa. As I was walking the 86 paces home to my bed I was hoping this wasn't going to be an awkward regret in the morning.

Bribe bag.

We arranged another night in at hers drinking wine in front of the stove fire, again the evening really wasn't long enough though. Equal to the time disappointment, was the problem that two bottles of Banrock Station and Hardys were simply not enough. The box of trademark chocolates were superb, with the kids presumably finishing them off in the morning.

I worked the kids out too, well nearly, when I would go shopping for the evening wine and nibbles, I'd buy some stuff for them. They used to love it when I went around, they would trundle off to bed with a bag full of sweets. I used to joke with Amanda that it was a bribe bag to get us some peace, it was all good fun then.

I remember around this time Amanda had been felled by a bug. It wasn't surprising as she effectively had three jobs, her horses and the kids to look after. I got a text from her one lunchtime to say she felt rotten and was on her way home. I made my excuses at work and went around. Suppose you could say I was becoming quite affectionate towards her, even though nothing had happened as yet, not even a kiss. I was simply concerned, well I couldn't have my drinking buddy down now could I?

When I got there I could see her on the settee through the window, she looked worn out. I made her a hot drink and went out into the garage to cut up a TV cabinet she wanted gone for firewood, so I could put the stove on. The kids came home from school shortly after and I cooked them their tea.
Looking back they must have thought it abit odd having Peter the Joiner cooking their tea.

Wine and Chocolate.

It was now December and by now I had made Amanda's house more homely. They now had the holes in the bedrooms through to the attic space filled in, doors and door frames down stairs with skirting and back mould, and the kitchen finished off. Not bad for the boy down the road, working in the evenings.

As you'd expect their was some banter between me and Amanda, it was good natured and nothing out of the ordinary. We did keep catching each others eye every now and again, but it was just one of those awkward moments, followed by a blush. I'll hold my hands up, I got caught looking more than I caught her, she looked stunning even in her office clothes.

It was the week before Christmas, Amanda and the girls bought me one of those bottles of Celebrations for the work I had done. It felt good to be appreciated for everything I had done.

It would be just into the New Year when I got asked along again to do more work. We had exchanged text messages and the odd phone call in the time in between. I was working on some pipe boxing around the boiler, and just ate my tea made by Amanda washed down by a couple glasses of wine. She commented on needing more wine, and I quibed that I should bring some the next time. Followed by me blushing as always.

She said that, that would be nice and would let me know when she was free through the week. Later that week she did invite me around and told me not to disappoint with the Wine choice. Now being a naive 23 year old trying to impress that did put the pressure on. I scoured the shelves of Morrisons and picked 6 bottles of White Wine, and thought I would chose 2 on the way out the door. When I was in there I thought I'd get something to nibble on. So, cringe worthy as it may sound now I got, Jacobs Cream Crackers, a small selection of cheese and a box of fair trade chocolates.

I remember getting ready to walk around to hers, I didn't want her to think that I was 'just' a joiner, so I pulled on a shirt, dress jeans and some proper shoes. Looking back, I honestly looked a right plonker, I looked like I was going out for a family meal not a casual drink at a friends house. I knocked on the Angela's door holding my Morrisons carrier bag. She answered the door, half moving the dogs away and talking to the kids. It was then she turned to look at me, she hesitated, Yep, the look on her face told me I was over dressed.

She had the wine glasses on the pull out table in the living room, and the kids were watching the end of Eastenders and instantly honed in on the carrier bag I was holding. "Ow, Chocolate's!" yep that was me being mugged by an 8 year old, backed up by her 11 year old sister. The chocolates were almost demolished before the wine was opened. The kids went up to bed, and me and Amanda talked through to midnight. I couldn't believe how fast the time went and how well we got on, there was no awkward silence, we just seamed to click.

The next day all I could think about was Amanda, we swapped a couple of messages and arranged for another evening of the same type in a few days.

The start.

It's now been roughly 9 months since I last spoke to Amanda. I bumped into her outside the village shop (it all goes on there). She asked if I would drop by and have a look at some work that still needed to be done.

I went around that night and she introduced me to her then partner Chris. He was a white collar worker at a Warburtons factory, and to be honest a very decent guy. I looked around bouncing some ideas off them, i thought some skirting board in the kitchen and living room might be nice!

Off and on over the next few weeks I helped Chris do some work on the house, as money was getting tight for Amanda, I did the jobs for free (soft touch I know). The builders had made such a mess, it cost more money than expected to get someone else and have existing work put right. After a while I noticed that Chris had stopped staying there. Amanda told me they had split up and were from "two totally different ponds" with Chris (I was told), going back to his ex. I kept getting asked by Amanda to do bit's and peaces.

It became a regular thing, to finish work and go around there to do bits of work before going home. At this point I was just happy to help, I had no commitments and could see what I was doing was making a difference. Amanda would cook me some tea with theirs, mostly bacon & egg sandwiches (with the odd glass of wine thrown in) as she was always running late.

It sounds stupid to say but, I do have very fond memory's of those early days. I loved the vibe in her house, her two children were (and still are) confident and chatty. Amanda had them both in the pony club, and would be away doing something horsey almost every night, come wind or rain they were saddled up, always proud sat on their horses.

Prequel pt2. Village Gossip.

I've always lived in this village, apart of a second generation now, and never spent any real length of time away from it. We are lucky here when I look around at what we have, we've got this lovely Wood which I could play in all day when I was younger. We moved from whats now an over populated area of the village to the quieter end when my grandmother died. I digress.

Unbeknown to me at the time, two doors from where I sit in my armchair with Dexter curled at my feet, (though with no pipe and smoking jacket) lived (and still is) a woman who in the years to come would literally change my life.

Her name is Angela, a divorcee, an accountant, mother to two children and a fanatical horse owner. She had two dogs Rosie an Old English Sheep Dog, (RIP Rosie) and Pepsi a Border Terrier. Amanda has an infectious smile too that would warm the coldest of hearts, (cheesy to say I know!) and she's 13 years and 5 days my senior.

The way our street is set out you never see the neighbours, except passing them in the car. So I never really saw Angela when I was growing up.

As in any village you'd expect some form of gossip. Ours is no different, typically the hub of the gossip a few years back was the village shop, around 99.9% of it was just idle and unproductive as you'd expect. I never liked the gossip squad as there'd be a postmortem on the most trivial of things, and if someone farted there'd be shite all over the village. It was also the source of some rumours that were just quite simply out of this world.

One bit of gossip that did get thrust upon me was; that Amanda who was having a loft conversion on her home at the time was having a few problems with the builders. I got persuaded to knock on her door and offer to see if I could help. So that night I did, totally unannounced, and at that time not really knowing much about her either.

It was a dark drizzly night about 7pm and the curtains were drawn. She opened the door still dressed in her work wears, eating a bacon sandwich. I introduced myself (sounds odd  as we lived two doors apart) and if I could offer any help with the work she was having done, the relief on her face said it all. She invited me in and showed me what had been done.

To be honest it would be more accurate to say what hadn't been done, It was truly shocking to see, the level of finesse was really something else. I couldn't see how Amanda and her two kids were living there with the work being done. On top of what hadn't been done, the neanderthals who were doing the work, were treating the house as there's, using the cooking facility's, watching TV and smoking throughout the house.

The one thing that touched me when I was looking at the house was that Amanda appeared to be at breaking point with what had been done. Autumn had just set in and she had no heating upstairs.

I left a list of things that needed to be addressed with the 'builders' and told her to let me know if I could help with any of it. I felt a total let down as I left that night, knowing what they were doing and knowing in reality it would take more than a cheery conversation to put it all right.

A few weeks passed and I was again in the shop. I was told Amanda's house had been burgled. I couldn't believe it and instantly had my suspicions who was had done it. Knowing what she was living in I thought I'd drop by and ask if she needed anything, just to be neighbourly if nothing else.

It would be another nine months till I would cross path's with Amanda again.

Prequel pt1: Myself and the area where I live.

I live in a village in rural Northumberland, nestled between the Coast and the roaming hills of Simonside to the West and the Cheviot's to the North.


We have stunning view's of the Northumberland Coast, from my window you can see from Coquet Island down the coast to Gosforth, and across to Pontop Pike the TV transmitter station in neighbouring County Durham.


When I left school I became an apprentice Carpenter & Joiner with Northumberland Estates in Alnwick, the home of the Percy family, later finding work with a local builder. I've also done extensive volunteer work during 2003-2006, recently turning back to it now once again. I'm now a self employed Carpenter & Joiner offering a bespoke service, oh how simple life used to be! I have keen interests in walking, cycling, running, exploring new places, and pottering about! I have two brother's and a Border Terrier dog called Dexter.


The aim of me writing this short blog, is to tell my story; everyone has one to tell, and hopefully put a few ghost's to bed along the way. I would love to hear your feedback on it! It's not intended to upset anyone although, I don't intend to spare any blushes...myself included :-)